Broken...

(Originally written January 17, 2006, before I discovered blogging.)

Today I went to see the movie, Brokeback Mountain. (You can find more information about this film, read reviews, follow message boards and see the trailer here .)

In the film, the viewer is forced to develop his/her own definition of the value that should be placed on the love relationship which develops between the two principle male characters. These are some of the questions I asked (and am asking) myself.

- Do I think this love affair falls inside Rubin’s charmed circle, or in the “outer limits”?
- What qualifiers lead me to this conclusion?
- Would my conclusion be different if the movie had shown multiple random gay encounters (tricking, as Grahn describes) instead of the developed, tender, exclusive relationship it did?
- Do heterosexual people have a greater right to the expression and fulfillment of their sexual selves (Bronski’s pleasure) than homosexual people? This freedom, by the way, is also a topic of “The Ick Factor.”
- How is the social violation created by their gay male relationship different than the social violation created by inter-racial heterosexual couples 100 yrs (50 yrs, 25 yrs, 6 months) ago?
- Which character do I feel for more: the wife who realizes she is trapped in a loveless marriage, or the protagonist who is forced to live a lie? It’s clear that compulsory heterosexuality does not just affect women, (as discussed by Rich) but men as well. One could argue that everyone in this movie was lying, either to themselves or to someone else.
- Charmed circle or outer limits, what do I think about the murder at the film’s conclusion?
- How do I feel about existing as a member of a society that would kill someone for being a homosexual? Is this different from being a member of a society that would kill someone for being Jewish? Black?

Personally, I was quite surprised by the spectrum of emotions I felt as I watched this film. Even though I didn’t know what to expect of myself, I wasn’t grossed out or turned on by the sex scenes, instead having stronger reactions during the parts of the film where the emotions of the characters were released in physically violent ways. I think there was a part of the film where I was able to identify with just about every character. Even while watching Junior struggle with how to ask her father to come to her wedding, I was immediately transported back to when I asked my dad to come to my wedding ceremony. We planned and planned for months and didn’t know if he was going to show or not until just 72 hrs before hand.

For me, the story is ultimately about two people who love each other and, for circumstances beyond their control, can’t be together. The two male lovers in the film can’t be together, the women who love them can’t “be” with them, the relationships between the parents and children can’t just “be”. The unfortunate reality is that, while this is a period piece, the story is just as relevant in 2006 as it was in 1962. I think we all have our own Brokeback Mountain, a place (real or imaginary) where we go to be our authentic selves. If we are fortunate enough, we have another human being share that time and space with us. This is the place where you can strip down, literally and figuratively, and expose the most vulnerable parts of yourself without the fear of retribution, rejection, retaliation, or judgment.

I encourage everyone out there to see this story and to ask themselves the questions I’ve recorded here. My sexuality wasn’t threatened by this film; my humanity was.